Rorschach Reality

You know what is more hurting than holding your pee in your almost exploding bladder? - Being betrayed Wait, let me add some sprinkles to that cupcake- betrayed by someone you know for so many years, and for some incident there was a withdrawal of conversation and then zzaap- you are sold to betrayal After a very long time, I suffered from my depression attacks. I never cried due to personal issues in the church (not even for my break-ups) but this incident made me a cry baby. God knows how many people were thinking I am suffering from something so hard to digest- well that part was right; but least they would think of betrayal- maybe diagnosed with a disease, break up (typical) and etc I do not cry that easily (now I am not saying that it is good or bad to cry) but I do not like to be seen crying- I cannot bear seeing others looking at me with smudged mascara, exaggerated eye-bags, swollen nose and a mental breakdown. No- I just can't; I am more than that So, after the ...

Okay I am writing this blog after binge- watching and eating while sipping my Heineken Its so depressing to know how people just do not treat you just like you treat them- and that hurts AF All you do- you have them in mind- their well-being, their preferences, their liking, their favorite; but when tables turn; darn it! You are left all alone to self-loathe! The more I said do what matters you the most. You are the center of your own life. You are the author of your own life- the more I end up in pitying myself and I hate that! I was not born and designed for it- I am like a vessel without any expectations but yet it hurts as hell. And knowing that nothing I can do to fix this and I would not be self- centered is both hurting and damn I am proud of myself! Sometimes I wish I press on the  pause button and snooze about it.

So here goes nothing... I am going to start to blog after a very long time, I have excused myself for some reasons for not writing- as it will be as if it is my complaint box, or a diary or a remorse record book. I have deleted all my old posts for ONE good reason - lesson learned and I am not going to turn back to the old me- except for writing; in this context, typing So, sit back and do not have high expectancy. in fact do not any at all. I assure blogs on lifestyle, poetry, thoughts and event(s) in the distant future. Love, MeL